Go Home, Aliens Are Not Real

August 3, 2019



     Okay, Summer. We see the f*ck out of you. Loud and proud. A whole entire MOOD. 


     For those of you who have stayed inside, hydrating and minding your own, here’s a quick recap:


     Real live humans are planning to raid Area 51 and scoop up an alien like it’s a Petco adoption fair. Lil Nas X came out… with yet another Old Town Road remix. Hot Girls are head-to-head with the City Boys, but Meg T. Stallion says they’re all supposed to be on the same team. Thor’s a woman. Blade’s still Black, but this time a better Black (everyone’s still ignoring the fact that Wesley Snipes abused love of our lives Halle Berry? Oh, ok). 


     There’s a lot more. But let’s unpack.


     Virility, a thing that in terms of the internet once did not even exist, now has provided a power that can make or break a person’s entire wellbeing. It’s a technological application of mob mentality, and if you’re on the right side of it, you can soar. 


     The whole alien thing is so absurdly stupid. Humanity just continues to prove itself as such. Aliens wouldn’t be caught dead sharing a dying planet with us. The memes that have come from it, however, are really f*cking entertaining. At least, in our impending, self-imposed doom, we know how to have fun. 


     Lil Nas X has done everything right. We didn’t know he existed until sometime between January and June of 2019, depending on where and how deeply you’re plugged in. His first hit single, Old Town Road, got huge by way of Tik Tok, an app that Vine should never have died for. From Tik Tok, Twitter took that shit and ran. Between the release of multiple remixes and Lil Nas X’s likability and exceptional social media skills, Old Town Road is now at the number one spot on Billboard’s Hot 100 for its 16th straight week. One more week and it will be the single longest streak in Billboard history. Meanwhile, in our heteronormative-ass society, Lil Nas X came out. With an album. In which he came out. As gay. Specifically in the track called ‘C7osure’. We still didn’t get it, so he took to Twitter to tell us that he thought he made it obvious. On the last day of Pride month. And guess what? He already had our hearts, and now all the straight men of rap & hip hop can feel extra good and heroic for continuing to support this wonderful, talented, fashion icon of a man. Thank you, Lil Nas. 


     Meg Thee Stallion has helped greatly in liberating women this summer. Hot Girl Summer is in full effect. It’s our party, we can hoe if we want to. Of course, men, feeling left out, have wedged themselves in and started calling themselves City Boys, keeping track of which party leads the scoreboard in this season’s game of “Who Can Take Advantage Of and Hurt the Other More”. (I thought that was just college?) The much-ignored plot twist here is that Meg took to Twitter to smack us upside the head and tell us Hot Girls and City Boys are supposed to be on the same team. They’ll never listen, Meg! 


     Meanwhile, at ComicCon, sh*t is hitting the fan on every stage. Marvel had us all spun out. Mahershala Ali has been crowned Blade for the upcoming remake. Natalie Portman is the newest Thor. Deaf actress Lauren Ridloff has been crowned Makkari. Simu Liu has been cast as Marvel’s first Asian-American superhero in ‘Shang-Chi and The Legend of the Ten Rings’. Basically, Hollywood finally saw that diversity makes BANK, and now we can finally start seeing real changes. Power to the people… signing the checks!


     All of these updates showcase the influence of a supportive crowd. Mob mentality, but for good. Lil Nas X is the most famous guy in music right now. He has successfully blurred musical genre lines and gotten people from all sides on board. He has been given a platform on which he has already begun breaking archaic (and dangerous) molds and stereotypes. Meg Thee Stallion has pushed women to embrace their sexuality and to stop shying away from self-expression based on our patriarchal society’s expectations and rules. The virility of that message, jokes aside, is particularly hopeful. Meanwhile, the diversification of Hollywood through such a major, mainstream entity is huge. The Marvel Universe (and fanbase) is remarkably influential, and adequate minority representation on the big screen has the power to change our entire social landscape. 


     Looks like, despite the Artic currently being on fire, we may have a few good years on the horizon. 


     For our next trick, maybe we’ll get that Racist out of the White House. A girl can dream. 

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